Hi Everyone!
It's been a couple of weeks and life has been exciting and very full. My apologies for taking a while on this post. To be honest, this one is really hard to write. I have to choose my words wisely. This is not directed at anyone. These are just my observations on life's encounters with other people.
Relationships. They change. As I get older, they get weird and unexplainable. I'm not sure if it's because of my new lease on life with my health, or if it's just that time in my life where the tides change, but some friendships have become strained, some just distant. It seems that there is a lack of direct communication between people. You would think in such a connected social media setting, it would be the opposite. Oh, but how words can be taken wrong and loose their intended message through type and the book of face. We are too quick to react without asking questions.
My recent situation? Since I started loosing weight and and taking better care of myself, some people have stopped communicating with me. To me it feels that some liked me better when I was heavier, and maybe not as strong. Overall, the feedback has been positive. That being said, some friends that used to encourage me or give a "like" on Facebook have ceased. Not that I need anyones approval, it's just interesting to note. Coincidence? Very well could be. Are my posts on health annoying and intrusive and maybe people just do not want to read about it? That's a possibility as well. But why the passive aggressive stuff? Why can't we be direct with one another? Why can't we be proud of our friends accomplishments - no matter what they are (as long as it's not something involving hurting another person or breaking the law).
Let's take this further. Have any of you ever had friendships where you are the first person who is called when something is needed? Instead of "Hey, how's it going? Wanna hang out?" It's "Hey, can I have you do xyz? I could really use help with "". Let's say you help this person. Is it appreciated? The generosity of your time and talents to help someone - are they returned, or just expected? Sometimes we do things out of what I call "survival mode" and forget that people have feelings. We forget to say "thank you". We forget that people have their own lives and complicated things to muscle through on a day to day basis. Sometimes just asking how someone is before asking for something is a good approach. LOL.
I think of the book "The Giving Tree" as I type this. Growing up I was taught the importance of volunteering, helping a person in need, and giving more than expected. I've given till I have bled. To the point where I have played the martyr. We all have. There comes a time when you are just getting used. It's not just a woman thing (although I think in general - women are more subject to this). I've seen it happen to my husband with his friends and other close acquaintances. When people need help - he's there. Drops everything. However, it is not always reciprocated. When in adulthood do we just say "enough is enough"? These are relationships of convience - where kindness is taken advantage of. People like this love you when they need you - but disappear the other 90% of the time.
At this time, if I have EVER not appreciated someone and their time, talents, generosity, love, and graciousness - I would like to apologize. Life is too short to drop the ball on friendships over misunderstandings. Sometimes people are not aware of how their actions come across. There are times in my own life where I am caught up in my own busy and hectic schedule where I forget to say "thank you" or acknowledge someone or something nice that was done for me. We all need to slow down and reflect. This is sometimes a huge challenge for me.
On the flip side of that, there are also people out there who will make you feel appreciated at first, milk you dry, and then leave you to die. Those people are assholes. If you have someone like that in your life - freeze them out and "let it go" as the song says. It may hurt, and it may take you awhile to process what that relationship really was all about - but you will move on.
Prime example. Last year I was performing with a group. I gave my time and talents - cleared my schedule. Gave up weekends. Took vacation from work to help out. Drove all over the midwest, burned the candle at both ends helping the leaders of this group with their side business for awhile when they "really needed a favor" and asked "can you do this, as a friend". After expenses like gas, costs associated with travel, etc - I came out with 1k. That was it. I busted my ass for 1k. Then I (along with another person) we're dropped like a hot potato, blocked on Facebook, sent an email saying our services we're no longer needed. Within 5 min of all that - new performers were posted on the webpage. Ouch! I was made to believe these people were my friends. They we're not. They were looking out for "number 1" - themselves. Lesson learned.
There are some people that are just batshit crazy nuts. They completely loose their noodle - and they are gone. They never want to talk to you again, or maybe it's the other way around. Takes all kinds.
What am I getting at here? Really, be true to yourself. Be OK with the flux and change of relationships. Sometimes distance isn't a bad thing. Sometimes people aren't meant to be in your life for the long haul. I can tell you that there is a lesson to be learned from every encounter! It's up to you to find out what that lesson is. Oh, and if there is something you need to patch up - do it! Give it time, reflect, and then try to communicate.
Peace and love all!
Teri
